Friday, September 10, 2010

What should have been

It has been an eventful week. Labor Day on Monday, my doctor's appointment on Tuesday, soccer practice on Wednesday and on Thursday my sister in-law had her "big" ultrasound to find out what they were having. It turns out they are having a little girl too! Her name will be Nora Alexis Lynn Roth. I am so happy for them! They both really wanted a little girl and they tried so long and hard for this baby. But I am also a little bit sad. Because our girls should be growing up together. Ella and Nora. But instead they will never even meet. Tiffany is due February 16th. Two months from the day that I am due, December 16th. When Tiffany found out she was pregnant we were so excited! We weren't sure if we would ever get the chance to be pregnant at the same time. This was to be Jacob and I's last baby and Daniel and Tiffany had been trying for almost 3 years and it didn't look like it was going to happen for them anytime soon. And then out of nowhere they were expecting a baby too!

We are still sharing in our pregnancy experiences together but it's not like it should be. This is not at all how us being pregnant together was supposed to go. I am so happy for them and I know they are going to be amazing parents. Sometimes it is hard. We had known that yesterday was the day they would be finding out the gender for quite some time. And I was so excited to hear what their baby was going to be. But it just hit me a lot harder than I thought when I got that text that said "It's a girl"! I guess it just seems a little bit cruel. We are both finally pregnant at the same time, we are both having baby girls, we are both due exactly 2 months from the day of each other. It's like a dream come true....except that its not. Our daughters will never play together. We will never lay them next to each other on the floor and take their pictures. Nora will never get any of Ella's hand me downs. That is what it hard, knowing what should have been. I just pray that holding baby Nora will be a comfort to me when my own arms are empty.


  1. I'm so sad with you for what might have been. Praying for you always.

  2. I am so sorry for you all we will be praying for you and your family

  3. Dear Courtney,

    I just received the link to your blog a few minutes ago. Right now I can´t say a lot, just that I am happy, I found you and Ella and your wonderful family and that I will include you in my prayers.
    We go through the same situation.. My little girl Valentina is anencephalic too and due on January 3. She is also our fourth child, we have a little (big) girl Emilia (almost5),our special sunshine Béla, who has DOwn´s Syndrome (3) and sweet Leyla (1,5).
    I can´t write more now, but I send you a lot of courage and love from Germany,