Saturday, January 15, 2011

Playing Catch Up

Wow, it has been almost a month since I have posted on here! I guess I need to play a bit of catch up since it has been so long. We had a good Christmas. It was nice celebrating with our families and the kids got lots of good loot. It was a little bit sad not having Ella there for her first Christmas. I think what bothered me the most is not being able to do anything for her for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I am glad we had her cremated and I am glad her ashes are here with us at home. But I at times like Christmas I wish she had a grave site. Somewhere where we could go and decorate with flowers for her or leave her little gifts. I just wanted to do something for my baby for Christmas. But there was nothing to do for her, nowhere to leave flowers or toys. This spring we are going to plant a tree in our yard for her so maybe next year I can leave something for her under it. I am truly at peace with her being in Heaven. I know that she is right where she was meant to be. But I still felt guilty. I don't want her to feel left out. Silly, I know.

For Christmas, instead of gifts, (which they ended up getting us anyway) my in-laws have rented a house on the beach in Gulf Shores for us in May. It will be us, my mother and father in-law, my brother in-law Daniel and his wife Tiffany and their baby girl Nora (who should be arriving any day now!). I can't wait! Jacob and I have never been on a "real" vacation together. We didn't get to take a honeymoon and I don't count weekends in Branson as a "real" vacation. The kids are super excited too! It will be the first time they have ever seen the ocean. It also gives us something good to look forward to. I am counting the days and I can't wait for May to get here!

I will leave you with a couple pictures of Christmas and the snow we got this week. :-)

Lilah opening a ds game.


Brighton and his paper jamz

Our messy living room after the gifts were opened on Christmas Eve.

Christmas morning before the kids woke up.

Cookies for Santa!

Snow day!

Lily throwing snowballs


Brighton sledding!

Good times :-)

And...Just because they are so cute, two of my favorite people!


  1. Your family is so beautiful...all 6 of you! I think "guilty" is part of being "mama" - I did the opposite of you, I struggled with having to go to the cemetery to see Rachel. Tonight I told Matt that I wasn't sure I did the right thing having a c-section and he said something, that although I knew, hit me differently...he said "no matter what we did, we were going to get what we wanted" sigh. We will never be able to do everything we want to for our girls cause it's not possible; they aren't with us and that stinks. You did everything you could do for Ella...don't ever feel guilty for not doing enough - it's not the truth. She knows how much you love her! She is not left out. It's also not "silly" - I totally get that feeling. You are not alone in that.
    And on a totally different subject...your floors are beautiful...totally jealous! I think of you all the time and am so glad to see some new pics and hear of your upcoming vacation...sounds awesome. Love you,

  2. I have missed reading your post. I have been praying for you and your family.

  3. I'm sorry, I completely understand your feelings. We had Clark cremated as well and I'm very happy with that decision but times like Christmas and his birthday it would be nice to have a physical resting place to visit.

    We did plant a tree for him. We planted an olive tree because of their longevity and strength. We planted it on his 2nd birthday <3

  4. Hi my name is Ashley I live in Missouri as well. We will be delivering our litte Libby Ann at St Marys hospital in St. Louis...On May 13, 2011 at our 16 week u/s we found out she has anencephaly...we had our 28 week u/s on July 26, 2011 and they told me I have mild polyhydramnios and that we might have to induce early...