Carrying Ella: January 2011

Wow, it has been almost a month since I have posted on here! I guess I need to play a bit of catch up since it has been so long. We had a good Christmas. It was nice celebrating with our families and the kids got lots of good loot. It was a little bit sad not having Ella there for her first Christmas. I think what bothered me the most is not being able to do anything for her for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I am glad we had her cremated and I am glad her ashes are here with us at home. But I at times like Christmas I wish she had a grave site. Somewhere where we could go and decorate with flowers for her or leave her little gifts. I just wanted to do something for my baby for Christmas. But there was nothing to do for her, nowhere to leave flowers or toys. This spring we are going to plant a tree in our yard for her so maybe next year I can leave something for her under it. I am truly at peace with her being in Heaven. I know that she is right where she was meant to be. But I still felt guilty. I don't want her to feel left out. Silly, I know.

For Christmas, instead of gifts, (which they ended up getting us anyway) my in-laws have rented a house on the beach in Gulf Shores for us in May. It will be us, my mother and father in-law, my brother in-law Daniel and his wife Tiffany and their baby girl Nora (who should be arriving any day now!). I can't wait! Jacob and I have never been on a "real" vacation together. We didn't get to take a honeymoon and I don't count weekends in Branson as a "real" vacation. The kids are super excited too! It will be the first time they have ever seen the ocean. It also gives us something good to look forward to. I am counting the days and I can't wait for May to get here!

I will leave you with a couple pictures of Christmas and the snow we got this week. :-)