If only...

This beautiful little lady was staring at me from the cover of my new Parents magazine. Her name is Emily Keicher and she has Spina Bifida.



Oh, Ella...  If only your neuro tube defect had been on the other end; is this what you would be like?

Wow!

It has been a really, really, really long time since I have posted! It has been over a year in fact. My last blog post I was still pregnant and my baby boy will be a year old next week! Oops! I guess I am more than a little behind. The only internet we have at home right now is on our phones and I am just not up for typing out blog posts on my phone. But while I had the chance I just wanted to catch everybody up on us. We are doing really good! Our son Finley Harper Roth was born almost one year ago on October 7th.



He has been an absolute joy and blessing to our family. I couldn't have asked for a better baby. If only he would get the sleeping through the night thing down. ;-) He is now getting ready to celebrate his first birthday!

It is coming up on Ella's second birthday in Heaven. It's hard to believe two years have come and gone since I have held her in my arms. I would give anything to kiss her soft cheeks one more time. But I feel like I am in a really good place. I look at her pictures on the wall everyday and smile at her beautiful face. I know she is in a good place and we will be together again one day. I hate that Finley never got to meet her like the other kids did but he will know all about her. His big sister.

Brighton is 7 and a half and turning in to a little man right before my eyes. It won't be long before he is taller than I am! Lily will turn 6 the day before Finley's birthday and is as crazy and wild as she has always been. She is my free spirit! Lilah is 4 and my girly girl. She is always wearing some kind of mis-matched tutu outfit. She has a heart for animals and would have a thousand pets if we would allow it! Finley is snugly little guy and so far a mama's boy, to my delight! Jacob and I have been extremely blessed with the children God has gifted us!

Hello!

My blog posts have been few and far between lately and I am sure it will only get worse once this new baby gets here. But I thought I would pop in and update a little bit. I am now 35 weeks pregnant (well I will be tomorrow). I had my OB appt yesterday and I am already 1cm dilated and 50% effaced! She said if I worked outside the home she would tell me I was done working but since I stay at home she wants me to take it very easy for the next 2 weeks to make sure we get to full term. I have never went into labor on my own so I am not really worried about it. I have had to be induced with all my other kiddos so if this one comes on his own I will be totally blown away!

We started our new school year today. Brighton is in 1st grade this year and I am excited to get started on this years homeschool journey. Hopefully it won't get to hairy when we throw a new baby into the mix! Lily will be 5 in October but we aren't starting her on a formal curriculum until next year. But I try to work with her as much as I can while Brighton does his school work. I try to include both girls as much as possible because they like being "big kids" and doing their school work too. They are always excited to show daddy their color sheets when he gets home.

It's hard to believe that it has been 10 months since Ella has come and gone. We are nearing her first birthday. She will be a big sister before she is even a year old. :-) We think about her all the time and talk about her a lot. Especially with the new baby coming. Lilah seems to get confused. A few weeks ago she was sitting on my lap and and was telling me I needed to go to the doctor and get the baby out of my belly. I told her it wasn't time yet and he needed to get bigger before he came out. She gasped and said, "Oh no! We left Ella at the doctor!" I explained to her that we didn't leave Ella at the doctor that she is in Heaven with Jesus. Then when it was time for my next doctor's appt she was throwing a fit and crying and didn't want me to leave and go to the doctor. When I asked her what was wrong she sobbed " I want to go to the doctor with you and see Ella." That broke my heart... Again I had to explain that Ella wasn't at the doctor. So while Brighton and Lily are big enough to realize what has happened Lilah doesn't quite understand it all yet.

So that is just a little update on us. We are moving forward. We are excited for what the future holds but we certainly are not "over it" yet and we never will be. And that's ok.

New pictures

Again I am horribly late at updating my blog. I had my 20 week ultrasound about 3 weeks ago now and our little guy looked just perfect! The perinatologist said he saw no signs of neural tube defects or any other defects for that matter. He gave our baby boy a clean bill of health and barring any other complications I will not need to see them again for the remainder of my pregnancy. So I feel like I can finally start thinking that we are going to have a baby in October and start shopping for all of the the things he will need. Poor baby still doesn't have a name yet. I am just praying he will have one by the time he arrives. Boy's names are so hard. At least for us. We can't seem to agree on anything! Here are a few pictures from our 20 week ultrasound!

2D prifile pic

3D

News!

I have been horrible about blogging but just wanted to let everyone know that......

Ella is going to be a big sister!!!

We are expecting a little boy who is due in October. So far he seems to be perfectly healthy. We have had 4 ultrasounds so far and he has looked great in every one. At our 13 week ultrasound the tech guessed boy and we had another ultrasound at an elective ultrasound place this week and they confirmed boy! He was not shy about letting us see the goods. :-) So without further ado, here he is....

Playing Catch Up

Wow, it has been almost a month since I have posted on here! I guess I need to play a bit of catch up since it has been so long. We had a good Christmas. It was nice celebrating with our families and the kids got lots of good loot. It was a little bit sad not having Ella there for her first Christmas. I think what bothered me the most is not being able to do anything for her for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I am glad we had her cremated and I am glad her ashes are here with us at home. But I at times like Christmas I wish she had a grave site. Somewhere where we could go and decorate with flowers for her or leave her little gifts. I just wanted to do something for my baby for Christmas. But there was nothing to do for her, nowhere to leave flowers or toys. This spring we are going to plant a tree in our yard for her so maybe next year I can leave something for her under it. I am truly at peace with her being in Heaven. I know that she is right where she was meant to be. But I still felt guilty. I don't want her to feel left out. Silly, I know.

For Christmas, instead of gifts, (which they ended up getting us anyway) my in-laws have rented a house on the beach in Gulf Shores for us in May. It will be us, my mother and father in-law, my brother in-law Daniel and his wife Tiffany and their baby girl Nora (who should be arriving any day now!). I can't wait! Jacob and I have never been on a "real" vacation together. We didn't get to take a honeymoon and I don't count weekends in Branson as a "real" vacation. The kids are super excited too! It will be the first time they have ever seen the ocean. It also gives us something good to look forward to. I am counting the days and I can't wait for May to get here!

I will leave you with a couple pictures of Christmas and the snow we got this week. :-)



Lilah opening a ds game.



Lily



Brighton and his paper jamz




Our messy living room after the gifts were opened on Christmas Eve.




Christmas morning before the kids woke up.




Cookies for Santa!



Snow day!




Lily throwing snowballs




Lilah




Brighton sledding!




Good times :-)




And...Just because they are so cute, two of my favorite people!














Ella's Ornaments

Sweet Feet!



A gift from my mom.



A picture ornament.



The Roth family Christmas tree!